In case you thought I forgot you

Since the last time I posted, I've been enjoying my life free of obligation to write for you. I was in a drunken spelling bee. I don't remember much and we weren't keeping score, but I imagine I probably won. Well, by won, I mean I won the knowledge that spell check has destroyed any ability to spell that I may or may not have possessed in the past. Then we lost at ultimate Frisbee. I'm blaming it on the fact we didn't devote any time to a montage. Also that half the team didn't show up. But it was probably mostly the montage thing.

Anyways, non of those things were exciting enough to blog about at the time, but I figured since it's been a few days, some people might be worried I'd just never blog again and I should probably post something to prove I'm not dead or suddenly stricken illiterate.

Today, I read a bunch of stuff about snakes. It reconfirmed the fact that I don't like snakes, even though once I took an online quiz called, "What animal are you?" and turned out to be a snake. I know those things are carefully validated, but I just can't accept it. First, I don't bite people often. Second, I don't have venom. Third, I'm afraid of bears. Snakes are not afraid of bears; snakes scoff at bears because their terrifying claws are no match for sharp teeth and venom.

I remember learning in undergrad that there are some snakes that can live for over a year without food. So, when walking into a creepy basement where it seems like a snake might be dwelling, never think, "It's okay, there's nothing for it to eat down here, it can't possibly have survived until now," because it can and there is something to eat, and that something is you. Actually, by the time you reached that part of the sentence, it already did. You didn't notice because the glow of the monitor has hidden the fact that you are now just a human silhouette inside a formerly hungry snake. Wait, by "I learned it in undergrad", I might mean in a nightmare I had a couple of days ago, I'm not quite certain.

Snake nightmares are not uncommon to me. Usually I'm armed with a gun, which is just plain frustrating because I have no aim and it's a friggin' snake. Even when I hit the snake, it will usually just make it angry, increasing the speed with which it bites. My brain sure knows how to make dreams that will torture me.

Happy song: A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash, because I like the part where nobody dies even though his father clearly sucks.