Last night, while ranting about the worst DJ in history, I forgot to mention that what was really upsetting me was the fact that last night I was the closest I've ever been to catching the bouquet at a wedding, but I didn't. I'd decided that I was not messing around this time, because I've recently accepted that I just plain like to win things. It's a little cruel I know, since I'm not with anyone right now and not the type who would jump into marriage quickly, but I was pretty much okay with dooming all those other single women to spinsterhood for my two seconds of glory, you know, due to the selfishness.
The memory is a little blurry, and, as far as I know, I could have leaped across the whole room for it, taking out everyone in my path, but, as I said, it's a little blurry, so I'm not really sure. Regardless, in the end, it brushed my fingers on the way down, before it landed right beside me. All I needed to do was reach down and pick it up. But I didn't. Because I'm introspective, I'd decided that this was probably a metaphor for something deep and troubling deep inside me, and that is the way I have been telling the story (I tell a good, if disturbing and self-centered, story). But, I'm telling you now, that's a lie.
The truth is, I just really like to follow rules. As soon as that bouquet hit the ground, I was trying to figure out if it was still in play, or if there was going to be a timeout so that we could replay the whole thing. My recent experience with ultimate frisbee may have played into it, where I quickly learned to run away as soon as the frisbee hits the ground, so that someone who can actually throw a frisbee can pick it up. Then I run around praying that they won't throw it to me, since my catching is worse than my throwing. But a bouquet is different from a frisbee in many ways, so this probably has nothing to do with it. I might also have been searching my brain for wedding superstitions, like, "If you pick up a bouquet that fell on the floor, yes, you will be the next one to get married, but your husband will be eaten by piranhas on the honeymoon. Oh, and don't try to just go to Antarctica, or some other place where there are no piranhas, because you will just find them where you least expect it and the surprise will make it all the more horrid. ("Surprise, piranhas for dinner, oh my god, they're still alive! But how...? Oh wait, it doesn't matter because they just ate my eyes.")" By the time I realized that that particular superstition and a few others did not exist until I created them, the bouquet was long gone.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, except that I wanted to come clean about the fact that I'm so obsessed with following rules that I let my one bouquet chance slip away. But, I think I'm okay with it in the end, because rules are what separate us from the bears. Rules like: "Don't eat garbage, because, ew," or "Don't maul people at random with your giant bear claws."
Speaking of the importance of rules, I realized today that I'd broken a big one, which was, "When groupies blog about the band they...ummm...group, they should probably give info that might allow one of their five readers to to come to see the band so that they can become famous and desert their first tame groupie in a bizarre and dramatic 'Behind the Music' style series of events." The only excuse I have is that I was so distracted by their insane dancing monkey promises that I didn't give any info that might increase their fan base. On the dancing monkey front, word is that it is going well. I'm hoping they don't get rabies trying to get them, because I'd feel really guilty for pressuring them so much. Also, I've heard hydrophobia doesn't help with singing.
To make up for my bad groupie-ing, I'm going to choose one of their songs for happy song of the day. Unfortunately, I've only seen them live and don't know titles, so my choice is ________ by I Only Date Astronauts. I know the one though, it's the one where I feel like I'm on an epic journey...with a unicorn. Then it goes kind of crazy, so it's more like I'm on a journey with a dragon, but the dragon is still friendly and such, but it also will set my enemies on fire. Then it keeps going crazy and I imagine there are hobbits everywhere, because a really good song should always inspire images of hobbits. Okay, so maybe it's clear that I'm not good at describing the song, but it's good and I like it, so it's happy. Okay? Good.
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