I added this title a month late because I never realized I didn't have one

Last night, I had dinner with my old roommate Clarclar McBoldsey and her husband Benji. It's always wonderful to catch up with old friends, especially ones that will feed you delicious foods and cakes. Benji helped me to add a "like" button to my posts. That's good, I assume, except that I'm not sure that linking directly to Facebook is smart when I'm so close to uncovering their evil plot to turn us all into cybernetic farmers. I should probably be trying to hide from them, like the Jedi should have hid from the Empire in Star Wars. But, had they hidden, we probably wouldn't have had the Ewoks. I'm not sure what exactly I mean by that analogy, or even if it bears any resemblance to the movies, because it's been a few years, but I'm going to stick by it because I like fuzzy things that are not bears and puppets, and Ewoks conveniently combine both into one. The point is, I have a like button and I'm pretty sure if you click on it something will happen, but I'm not completely sure what because it scares me so I haven't tried it.

Benji knew about the like button because he's an internet guru, or at least I suspect he is. He also knows how to program things to predict the future, which I appreciate because the future is scary and I like having inside info about its plans so I can attempt to ambush it. One of the things I like about the word ambush is that it contains the word bush, which, I feel, are crucial to any well planned ambush. At some point, someone is going to make an advertising campaign for bushes based on that fact, ("You can't spell ambush without bush, so come to Fran's Shrubberies for the best bushes in town!") and I will probably get angry. But, they probably won't realize that I already have a plan to get back at them. Every time they sell a bush, I'm going to hide behind it and ambush the unsuspecting bush owner. Then we'll see who's laughing their way to the bank.

Back to the topic of the future. Divination is an interesting subject, or so I was told by a complete stranger in a used book store. Byla and I were browsing the New Age section and had glanced at a book on tarot, because I'd recently been shuffling my friend's tarot deck and dropped two cards, one of which was the death card. I figured I might as well look up the meaning of the other card, because when you see the death card, it kind of gets your attention. About a minute after I put the book back, I heard a voice behind me say "What sort of deck do you use?" and when I turned around, there was a man who looked like the comic book guy from the Simpsons, holding a giant camera with a telescopic lens. Since I could count the number of times I'd encountered tarot cards on one hand and had never used the same deck, I wasn't sure how to answer that question. It was okay though, because he then moved onto a monologue about the various types of divination. He prefers runes. I don't know what runes are. Did you know that there are not just 1 but 4 types of pyromancy? Actually, I didn't know there was one type of pyromancy, or what pyromancy was. However, I was able to use my vast knowledge of both pyromania and necromancy to hazard a guess (it's divination by fire...to be honest, my guess was going to be something with setting dead people on fire, so I was kind of wrong). Later, we discovered that the store had an extensive pornography section at the back. I'm not really into porn, so much of it is a mystery to me, but I definitely found myself questioning exactly how desperate one would need to be to want to buy used porn magazines. And that's the story of the day that we renewed our vow never to go into any place that I think looks like a good idea, because I have horrible, horrible, judgment.

Clarclar, Benji and I also went out for delicious desserts. I decided to try a chocolate tart for the edible gold on the top. I wonder what the toxic dose for edible gold is. Someday, I think I might just buy a bunch and see. Then I'll write about it as I test it. So, to figure out the toxic dose, you'll just need to add a bit to whatever my last post says, then you'll be safe.

Clarclar and Benji are planning to do a long-distance swim for charity in the summer. At this point, I would like to express my solid belief that if there were an Olympic event for swimming really really far for as long as possible, without having to swim fast or well, just pure endurance, I would win it hands down. The only concern I have is that if I actually swam long enough, I would lose enough weight that my buoyancy would change, making it much more difficult. I discussed this with Clarclar, and she thought that most long distance swimmers eat along the way, which would solve my buoyancy issue. I think they probably have a lot of smoothies, or other things that are easy to ingest. I'd probably have a pretty bad craving for a burger, which I don't think would be very good while swimming, because burgers wouldn't be as delicious when waterlogged. Clarclar thought cheese would be a good option, but it would need to be hard cheeses, like Swiss, except that would be trouble because of the holes, which would just fill with water. Then she thought maybe we could fill the holes with cream cheese. But then we had the soft cheese problem again. But, I bet edible gold would hold up pretty if we tried that.