Detox

Today, I made a decision. Actually I made many decisions, but there was one decision that began it. I was cleaning up the kitchen and, while putting things away, noted that my coffee was getting a little low and thought, "I should probably pick some up." Then I thought, "Wait, no. How about I don't."

This is not abnormal for me. Periodically, I realize that I am far too dependent on coffee for happiness, actually, not even so much happiness as not depression, and I give it up until life gets so horrible that I just can't do it anymore. Last time I gave it up for any significant length of time was the fall. I did fine until I decided to write a play and realized that excessive caffeine is really the key to my sense of humour. Or, at least it's the key when I'm trying to force it out over a 6 hour writing period alone in my apartment, with only my inane thoughts to keep me company.

Some say I don't need it, but I think those might be the people who have never seen me without it. Regardless, once I'm done the small amount of coffee I have left, there is no more coffee in my life for a bit. Unless I get my dream pre-board exam Starbucks job. Then all bets are off.

It seems that, usually, once I decide to clean up one bad habit, I figure that all the other ones might as well go with it. Why suffer one withdrawal after another when I can combine them into one massively horrible withdrawal? So, I decided that once I was done all the dairy, wheat and various junk foods that I have, they were out for good as well. Well, for a few weeks at least, then, perhaps, in moderation.

Then came the big decision. Admitting that I needed to give up the worst addiction of all: Facebook. I don't know how I became such an addict, but it crept up on me. One day I was having trouble finding a profile pic, the next I was logging in everytime my iPod found a wireless connection just to see if anything had changed in the 5 minutes since I last checked. At some point, it must have been more of a thrill than it is now, and I'm constantly looking for that next good hit, but it never comes. It's much worse than my coffee addiction, because at least with coffee I have the delicious coffee goodness. Facebook contains no deliciousness, just disappointment. I don't even know what I'm looking for anymore, but whatever it is, it's not to be found there.

So, I've decided that it's time to give up Facebook. Just for a week, I don't want to do anything too crazy. I did delete the Facebook app off my iPod, since it's too easy to enter the entire Facebook world with a simple button press, slide, touch combo. And I deleted my bookmark. As you can see, this is serious. Oh, also, I deactivated G-mail chat, because I figured I needed a general break from internet based socializing, just in case anyone is wondering where I am (or, I just blocked you and only you and this is a clever ruse to convince you it's not personal...but it is. Then again, probably not.)

The reason I tell you all of this is that I fear my mental state is going to decay quite rapidly over the next few days without coffee, delicious deliciousness or Facebook. For the blog, a decaying mental state can really go either way, it's hard to say. I suspect without coffee it will go in the bad way, although there is a chance I might actually be able to consume enough green tea to make up for it. Actually, that's a lie, I'll die of kidney failure long before I'll be able to drink enough green tea to replace my precious, precious coffee. I'm totally screwed.

Okay, it's officially been 1/2 an hour since this decision was made. I think I'm over the hardest part. I think detox is like dealing with death, you totally go through the 5 stages of grieving. Obviously, right now, I'm in denial. Except, with my admitting that I am in denial, I must have moved onto something else. The point is, as long as I can limit bargaining, I'll be good, since when I'm bargaining with myself, the side of me that wants coffee and Facebook usually wins pretty quickly, mainly because she fights dirty. Tomorrow, anger.

Happy song: Overkill by Colin Hay. I don't think it's actually happy in and of itself, but it always feels like a good song for when I'm trying to let go of things that need letting go of, like delicious coffee and empty Facebook use. Also, it makes me think of Scrubs and cadavers, which are both naturally hilarious. Actually, maybe a good Scrubs marathon is just what I need to get me through the first few days, or, at the very least, make me think my random detox hallucinations are a perfectly normal reaction to life. Oh no, the twitches have started. God help me.