I call it "Nice Cream"

I forgot until I posted yesterday that writing stuff is kind of fun. Well, it's fun-like, making it a good substitute for actual fun. Like eating protein powder, berries and soy milk all blended together instead of ice cream, which I also did last night. Currently, my life has plenty of fun, but less fun-like activities, so perhaps I'll try to blog more. Blog, and study random pharmaceuticals.

Also, I need to get a job, which can also be fun-like, which is why they make all those internet games and iPhone apps based on menial labour. Once, I was playing a lot of Diner Dash and decided to try to get a job at the Keg. I figured that my Diner Dash skills would transfer, and also, that it would be super fun, because, how could it not be? Unfortunately, at the time, I was a pretty serious vegan. This posed a problem, because I'm a bad liar, except for the rare times when I'm a really, really good liar. Being the sole herbivore in a room full of steak lovers was not one of those times.

Somehow, I managed to sneak my way through the initial recruiting interview to make it to the group interview. I quickly realized I was out of my league when they told us the mission statement, or maybe it was the vision statement, either way it was something similar to: "create an environment where steak lovers and their families can feel free to be themselves". At this point, my head screamed, "Interloper!" I was afraid my eyes would get too shifty, so I tried to stare at one spot until I realized staring is also a little suspicious and started carefully timing eye movements to avoid shifty or staring eyes. There's nothing like meticulously orchestrated eye movement to tell those around you, "I eat meat and I'm not an interloper at all. Please don't hurt me, it's hard to get sufficient protein so my muscles are quite weak and you will break me easily."

The end of this story is the part where I did not get the job, which is probably best because I couldn't have kept it up for long before I broke down and told them the truth. There probably would have been a lot of tears, and dramatic background music. Then a commercial break prior to me actually revealing my veganness (As well as playing excessive Diner Dash in my time, I've also watched far too much reality tv). This time things will go better, because I eat everything now. As long as I don't apply to anywhere with a "We steal candy from children" mission statement, I'll be fine. Even then, kids really don't need all that candy anyways. We are facing an obesity epidemic.

If you see my brain, send it this way

Today was one of those days where I realize that life is not all fun and games. I hate those days, because, secretly, I think life is all fun and games, it's just that on those days where it's not you're on the losing end of a game being orchestrated by "the man". So, don't worry, he's probably having fun, even if you aren't. And by you, I mean me, because that's where this all started, with my very boring, pretending to be a serious and responsible human being, day. I got stuff done, which is good, but I also asked a number friends to kill me over a variety of mediums (one of my favourite procrastination methods). However, none of them took me up on it, so I had to keep working. I might need better friends.

Eventually I decided it was time to wander off and see if I happened to stumble across my brain in the midst of my travels. I didn't. Actually, it's still MIA, just a little closer, because I can sense it somewhere in the distance. I hope it comes back to me soon, because it's very rainy.

While I didn't come across my brain, I did come across something that has bothered me for years. And that something is this change table:


Aww, look at that cute little koala bear. I'm going to change my impressionable baby's diaper here because this change table is good and not at all evil. Wrong, look closer. No, closer still...


That's right. If you have any concern about this table, you should call the number of the beast. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, since my only concern is their phone number, which is terrifying to me, much too terrifying to phone and complain. If I were better with photoshop (by which I mean, if I owned photoshop at all), I would take the top picture and turn it into a evil devil koala to illustrate the way that I see this change table. But I can't. So, once again, I'm asking that you use your imagination to make up for my laziness/incompetence. It's good though, because you probably don't get to imagine very much anymore because you are probably an adult, and therefore quite boring. Unless you are my 10 year old cousin Kriskris Ruebenstein, who I have heard sometimes reads this, then your imagination is intact. I suggest if any of my boring adult readers have little ones in their life, they should also share my blog with them so they can help you with the imagining and you can answer fun questions like, "What does phallic mean?"

Today I definitely needed a happy song. I can't remember if I found one. I should, because I'll need one tomorrow too. I guess, given my strong negative feelings towards responsible living, I need to choose Dancing Through Life, from the musical Wicked. It's usually my go to song when I'm taking things too seriously. Also when I'm not dancing enough, which might very well be my problem today. Oh wait, no, I was right with the "game I'm not winning being my problem" theory. Except that I'm not actually losing, I'm just luring "the man" into a false sense of security so that I can put him in a headlock when he least expects it. Then as he whines that headlocks are not part of Clue, I'll flip him over and steal his wallet. Teach him to play with me. The point is, tomorrow, or maybe the next day (can't be too specific, never know who's reading and I don't want to lose the element of surprise) is going to be a good day.