What about cows?

Today I went on an adventure with my friend Yelsel D'Stupid (disguising names is hard, leave me alone). To be honest, just spending time with her is an adventure, because, based on countless interactions with her, I have come to the conclusion she has no mental filter. Or, at least, if she has one, she chooses not to use it most of the time.

For example, we were planning a camping trip and thought we should invite our friend Neyney Charmin (just be glad I don't get to name a small child...yet), and I said "It's a good idea to bring Neyney, because if a bear decides to eat us, it'll go for her first because she's a vegetarian, giving us some time to escape." I thought it was a well known fact that herbivores are generally more delicious than carnivores, but Yelsel seemed unaware of this and asked for more explanation. "Think about it," I said, "you don't really hear of people eating, say, wolf. Most things we eat don't eat meat." To which she said, "What about cows?"

For awhile, on this brilliantly sunny day, we ended up walking behind a woman in a raincoat. My suspicion is that she woke up and thought, "It looks like rain, I think I'll wear my yellow raincoat with my yellow shoes. Yes, that's a good idea." Then, after she realized that there was not a cloud in the sky she thought "Shit, if I take off my jacket, my shoes will just look stupid."



We met some people giving out Pringles Stix samples on the corner. This product confuses me. There are only two reasons I might eat Pringles. One is that I'm craving potato chips, but don't want to have to imagine that they have any relation to actual potatoes. The second is that I want to put two back to back in my mouth and pretend I'm a duck. Pringles Stix don't fulfill either of these criteria. Instead of a tenuous connection to potatoes, they have zero potato ingredients. Also, if you try to put two in your mouth to look like a duck, it's a lot of work and you end up looking like this:



That seagull was mocking me, so I imagined that I was crushing it's head with my giant beak. I also noted that Pringles Stix contained pork extract, which does have to go in the pro colum, because, as I mentioned earlier, there is an inverse relationship between meat consumption and deliciousness. They should include that in the advertising: "Pringles Stix: The snack of choice for people who don't want to be eaten by bears."

We also met a lot of rude people. When we went to sit and eat by the water some people started shouting "Ginger...hey ginger....ginger". As a redhead, I was highly offended and said to Yelsel, "Are they trying to mock me? Seriously, I have a name." She said they were trying to call their dog, but I watched carefully, and it had no response to that name. It wasn't even ginger.

Today, in a continuation of my lessons from the zoo, I learned about pigeon mating. It turns out that pigeons are not that different from giraffes when it comes to sex. From what I can gather, the male hangs out for awhile until he assumes that the female has stopped paying attention, then he suddenly goes for it and she's like "Seriously, how would I not notice that?" and runs/flies away. Then he repeats.

We sat for awhile watching this occur over and over again with completely uninterested females. Yelsel thought for awhile and then said, "I just don't get it. Why doesn't he just take the ones that are already bending over? That would make a lot more sense." I think that it is good that she is human and not a male pigeon, because there are already too many pigeons. Also, pigeons don't talk, and she amuses me.