Me like cookie.

Some of my friends are midway through exams right now. This is boring to me, because I want to play, but they have to study. But then, I'm also happy, because I'm not writing exams...until I remember I'm lonely and wish I had my textbooks to keep me company.

When I was writing exams, I liked to try to cope by using denial. I'd get up in the morning and stare at the wall for 20 minutes, thinking, "I wish I had something to do today." Eventually it would hit me and I would think, "Shit, study." I think this coping mechanism is better suited for those with severe head trauma (or those that are goldfish).

Sometimes, I try to pretend while studying, because pretending is fun. For example, when I'm studying pathology, I'll imagine I have whatever I'm studying. So, if I'm studying diabetes mellitus, I'll go to the washroom frequently and eat lots of pixie stix. The best part of this method is when I decide to take a break I have both the pay off of a break and the relief of discovering that I probably don't have prostate cancer.

When the joy of not having prostate cancer is not enough to pull me out of exam depression, I still have my standby guaranteed-joy-bringing-things. One is jumping. If I feel like exams are making me a little too crazy, I'll just jump for awhile. Try it sometime, you will see that it is impossible to be stressed about anything while jumping, unless the thing you are stressed about is some sort of joint injury, in which case you should probably stop jumping.

Another thing that will make you forget about exams, without aggravating your potentially arthritic joints, is all things muppet. The Muppet Movie is the best option for maximal happiness because it has ukulele playing Kermit, bike riding Kermit and dancing Kermit in it. Try watching a muppet-frog riding a bike and not being happy. You just can't do it (unless you are a robot or some sort of a demon, then I make no promises).

Similarly, Fraggle Rock can pull you out of any slump, while simultaneously teaching you important life lessons like: "Radishes are all you need for a balanced diet" and "Trash will give you advice if you ask it nicely."

Sometimes, people say that Bert and Ernie are in the closet. This irritates me, because what does it matter if two muppets share a bed when they don't even have genitalia. It's like saying that a pencil is gay. The pencil is not gay, it is a pencil. Muppets are the same as pencils in this respect, except muppets instead of pencils. So, in my opinion, attempting to determine the sexual preference of asexual muppets is futile. Unless the muppet you are referring to is some sort of novelty sex shop muppet; then you are free to speculate on whether the novelty sex shop muppet likes novelty sex shop males or females (but don't tell me about it, because asexual is how I like my muppets). Regardless, if anything, people shouldn't be talking about the relationship between Bert and Ernie, they should be talking about the relationship with the guys that have their hands inside them. That's where the real scandal lies.

My parents used to get mad at Cookie Monster. They said he was ruining my grammar, but me did not think so. Really, I think they should have been more concerned about the fact that I ate a cookie I found on the playground. It was an Oreo, and it was totally worth it.